Friday, November 6, 2009

My Online Dating Saga - He Must be Someone's Type

I try not to categorize humans, but when you've been doing the online dating thing for awhile, men's profiles do occasionally seem to settle into distinct types.

There's Arrested-Development Guy, who's an avid comic book collector and is looking for a woman to "teach him the magic." A.D. Guy has apparently either gotten bad advice from his fellow A.D. friends or has, all by himself, decided that to elicit responses he must include as many blatant references to his anatomy as possible, such as his "large crotch bulge" and allusions to the multitude of tissues he goes through on a daily basis.

Then there's Maniacally Optimistic Guy, whose exuberance overflows the profile page. He can't contain his enthusiastic expression of how fabulous his life and the lives of everyone in the entire world is, or could be, if they only saw all the incredible and delectable morsels of bounty the universe has to offer. Is anyone really THAT happy? And if so, could any of the rest of us cynical optimists actually stand to be around them?

M.O. Guy actually has some traits in common with Cliche Guy, who uses such platitudes as "I love to laugh." Come on. How about, "I hate to laugh. Laughing makes my balls explode." Or "I'm a "glass-is-half-full kinda guy." Full of what? Does that mean you're an alcoholic?

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