Post-Mother's Day Reflections - Top Ten Ways to Not Become My Mother

10. Have sex with younger men.

9.  Have sex.

8.  Never buy a plastic rain bonnet.

7.  Occasionally venture outside a 2-mile radius of my house.

6.  Never use the phrase, "in my day...."

5.  Refrain from wearing clothing that covers every part of my body that looks imperfect.

4.  Don't buy generic ice cream.

3.  Wear underwear that couldn't ever be used as an Ace bandage.

2.  Don't buy a cabinet and keep figurines of cute animals in it.

1.  Never say to a friend in a restaurant, "I can't eat anything on the menu, but it's okay - I'll eat when I get home."

Thong Runs Amok

So a woman has been attacked by her underwear.  Personally, I've always been apprehensive about wearing underwear that sports any form of hard object near vital parts that could pop off, ricochet against said parts and disappear into the abyss.  Perhaps she was lucky it hit her in the eye.

Apparently, the injured woman is suing Victoria's Secret, where she bought the offending thong. I can't help but wonder if she considered the ramifications before arriving at that decision.  Did she not realize that, from this point on, her name will forever be associated with homicidal lingerie, and she will be the object of countless Jay Leno jokes and skits on Saturday Night Live?  What will happen the next time she interviews for a new job?  "Hey, aren't you the woman who sued Victoria's Secret for selling you homicidal underwear?"  Might be difficult for her to ever be taken seriously again.

Of course, it could have been worse.  At least it didn't get stuck in an orifice and have to be surgically removed.