Tuesday, February 3, 2009

JOB INTERVIEW DON'TS

When the employer says, "Tell me about yourself"...
...tell him about how your divorce has made you a more spiritual person.

When the interviewer asks you about weaknesses...
...tell her you need to be jump-started in the morning.

When asked why you left your previous job...
...say your supervisor caught you loading office printers into the trunk of your car.

When asked how you handle stress...
...say you tend to hold it in until you explode.

When the employer asks you for an example of your problem-solving abilities...
...tell him you figured out how to sleep with your eyes open to appear awake during staff meetings.

When asked what you know about the organization...
...say, "I heard you have a lot of hot men who work here."

When the interviewer asks you why there's a 3-year gap on your resume...
...tell her you're going to plead the fifth on that one.

When asked about your greatest strengths...
...say you can bend your pinkie finger back 180 degrees.

When asked where you want to be five years from now...
...respond, "On a yacht in the middle of the South Pacific."

When the interviewer asks, "Why should I hire you?"
...answer, "Why indeed?"

When the employer asks you what you enjoyed the most about a previous job...
...say, "The Friday morning doughnuts."

When asked what questions you have...
...say, "Who was that cute guy we passed on the way to your office?"