Haiku - On the Parkway

I walk on the bridge
Magnum wrapper on the ground
sidewalk sex, I guess

Hawks nest on the roof
try to fly - bird-watchers stare
performance problems

Lost Haiku

"Lost" scripts had mistakes
but Josh Holloway's gorgeous
so plot holes - who cares?

I ponder small points
once the Dharma soap is gone
survivors would stink

"Lost" is now ending
obsession redirected
back to cake and sex

Haiku - Home Adventures

An Exorcist Moment

My bed is shaking-
is it possessed? An earthquake?
just neighbors screwing


Pissing Through the Pipes

I hear loud trickling
through the laundry room ceiling
hope it doesn't leak


Frankenstein Steps

Ponderous footsteps -
monster coming up the stairs?
no - tired neighbor

Boob Haiku

Woman's boobs so huge
she can't get out of her bed
They could feed Texas

Need to prop them up
fling one over each shoulder
to make a boob train

Sex could be risky
smothering a real danger
keep an air hose near

Space haiku

Spending bucks on space

hey, launch those phallic missiles

or just compare size

Drink your Tang through straws

eat those fake chocolate thingys

pee into a tube

If we spend enough

we can build new colonies

when we've f*cked up Earth

More Haiku - In the Park

Flowers are blooming

drunk couple yelling curses
I hurry along.

Geese flock on the field

they come close to me, honking

Don't make eye contact.

High school football team

their coach shouts insults at them

sounds like an asshole

Couple making out
roll around in a blanket
I step over them.

Hypochondriac's Haiku

I wake with chest pain
I hurry to the doctor
Woohoo! It's just gas

I wait an hour
if I haven't keeled over
I think I'm okay

Now my arm is numb
I try hard not to panic
oops - I slept on it

Tiger Haiku

You apologized
for screwing lots of women
I'm supposed to care?

Olympics Haiku

I watch men's skating
thinking of how amazing
they look in those tights

Winning that medal
Must be the ultimate high
Next - ads for toothpaste

You ski with sprained limbs
Trying to ignore the pain
You can scream later

Boston Winter Haiku

We freeze our balls off
lawn chair saves a parking space
winter's a cold bitch

Slip on the black ice
maybe no one saw me fall
I try to look cool

Bare trees black and sharp
Snow floating down from gray skies
covering dog turds

Morning after haiku

He snores next to me
Not sure how I feel today
Should I sneak out now?

His body's so warm
I rest my hand on his heart
Wake up for Round 5

I wake and he's gone
jumbled thoughts swirl in my head
then - toilet flushes

Valentine Haiku

Valentine's coming
Candy companies rejoice
Chocolate overdose

a day for couples
the rest of us grit our teeth
and try not to puke

Cupid shoots arrows
oops - he misses his target
latte springs a leak

Another New Year Haiku

I'm making a list
of some things I'd like this year
George Clooney, you're first.

New Year Haiku

New Year's brings out guilt
People make resolutions
No more porn at work

Economy sucks
Maybe things will look up soon
Obama's trying

Healthcare bill a mess
Sarah Palin interferes
An ignorant skank

Daylight savings time haiku

Clocks go back today
Boss shows up an hour early
Genius he is not

Halloween Haiku

It's trick-or-treat time
got treats - hand sanitizers
now that is scary

Birthday Haiku

I'm liking this haiku thing. Here's a few I wrote for a friend's 50th birthday:

So you're fifty now
You can start to forget that
What was I saying?

Half a century
Sounds depressing, doesn't it?
Depends on which half

The older you get
The less you will care about
Who thinks you're a bitch

Fifty brings freedom
To really be who you are
And not give a crap

HOLIDAY HAIKU

HOLIDAY HAIKU

Holiday snowflakes
Ice clings to silver flagpoles
The dog’s tongue is stuck.

Hanukkah Harry
Brings gefilte fish and socks
Dad faints from the smell.


Holiday spirit
Scents of pine and cinnamon
Cat barfs on the rug.


Scent of Christmas pine
Angels, stars dance on branches
Why big shiny balls?


Santa Claus legend
Endomorph delivers gifts
What’s with the reindeer?


Christmas lights dangling
The kids short-circuit the wires
Oops - the house goes dark.