Thursday, December 3, 2009

My Online Dating Saga - "Nipple What?"

I got a message from a guy with the profile name "Nipple Bender." My curiosity got the better of me, and I peeked at his profile. Yes, he meant it literally.

I can't help but ponder the logistics of this procedure. Bending? Not tweaking? I get tweaking, but bending actually implies that said nipples have more flexible capabilities than one would normally assume. In fact, nipple contortionist would be a more accurate description. I've heard of people who can bend their pinkie finger back over their wrist. Perhaps it's a similar phenomenon.

Of course, in terms of the human body, since the elasticity of pretty much everything is adversely proportional to age, the nipples of a mature woman may in fact bend more easily. Regrettably, however, the same could not be said for their ability to spring back to their original location. Therein lies the paradox.

Would, then, the poor woman's nipples be forever askew, pointed in opposite directions? Or, even more disturbingly, in the same direction, both pointing to the left or to the right, like those flares on airport runways that lead the planes safely to the gate? Hmmm....

1 comment:

  1. I think it's odd that a man interested in finding a non-mentally ill woman to have sex with would have a screen name of Nipple Bender.